


The Ten Things on Billy-Ray Sanguine's To Do List

by bubblesbythebeach



Series: ‘Crazy’, Patsy Cline, 1961 [2]
Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, Mortal Coil - Freeform, Romance, has been described as 'funny surprisingly sweet and just a bit nightmarish', in character yet light-hearted shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 04:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3313097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblesbythebeach/pseuds/bubblesbythebeach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Darlin’, you could look dangerous in a frock with little pink hearts on it. Not that you have one to wear at the moment. Or that you’re likely to ever wear one. <em>Not that I’d mind either way, of course.</em>”</p><p>Written shortly after the publication of Mortal Coil, first posted on FF.Net, unchanged for posting on AO3. That is unfortunate, but for the sake of the more recently written and much better companion story...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ten Things on Billy-Ray Sanguine's To Do List

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MonkeyMindScream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonkeyMindScream/gifts).



**_1\. Bitterly reflect on them ol' battle wounds_ **

They were speeding along, rumbles all around as if the world was being torn apart from crust to crust. She didn't know where they were headed, and didn't really care, what with her boyfriend's hand around her arm.

"Aw hell," came a mutter, and they slowed. She was already digging in her pocket when Sanguine mumbled something about his gunshot wound. He managed to widen the space a little, enough room to step around.

Tanith handed him a red leaf. The earth was full of stones. A few became dislodged from the walls around them and fell on her shoulders. Tanith tried to make herself comfortable, crossing her arms and resting on the wall of their private cavern.

"And I'd just got the hang of dealing with the sword cut..." Sanguine said while he chewed.

"Five minutes."

"Aw, darlin', you're so cruel." The Texan put one hand against a wall of earth and Tanith guessed he was leaning nonchalantly. Thumb of the other hand hooked on his belt, like he always did. Sanguine hadn't bothered to get his torch out, but he could see her.

"Your li'l blade that started it. 'Course, it wasn't all that  _li'l_ , hence why it managed to screw my guts up a good deal more."

"Don't blame me," Tanith snapped, faster than she expected.

Sanguine shrugged off her scowl. "Not sayin' it was you. I'm sayin' it was your damn sword. A nice razor, darlin', that's what you need. It can be cute  _and_  deadly. Perfect for a lady."

"The sword is staying. Would you like a reminder of what it feels like?"

"Sword's not here."

Tanith heard a low hiss, a hand brushing against dirt. All of a sudden Sanguine's face was hanging above hers. A few more shuffles and he had braced his elbow against the wall, looming over Tanith.

"Whoops. Lost my balance." Curls of breath on her forehead.

There's something fundamental to having a boyfriend. You get close every now and then. You start feeling all warm and get urges to stick your face in their neck. To Tanith it felt only a bit strange, like an old keepsake she'd put away and found years later. She'd always remember what it looked like. She liked it when Sanguine made rest stops.

"Feelin' weak," he went on. "Blood loss, you know, honey? From when I got  _shot_ _._ "

She flicked a minute pebble from Sanguine's shoulder. "Want me to kiss it better?" A hand on his arm, more of that cosy warmth. Tanith brushed her lips along his collarbone.

" _Ow_."

**_2\. Saturday: Kill time_ **

"Let's burn it!" Tanith's eyes were glowing. She sprang up from the sofa and sort of wobbled there excitedly.

"Never been much of a burning fellow," Sanguine drawled. "More the slitting type, me."

Tanith delivered a light kick to his shin, scoffing. "Can you think of any way to slit a  _building's_  throat?"

Sanguine didn't react. He was just sitting in his chair, both hands gripping the armrests. He could have been asleep; his drooping head was swaying from side to side, so slowly.

Tanith kicked him again.

"Mm, whatever you say."

"Seriously," Tanith pressed. "I want to burn it. I've never tried arson before, Billy... I want to have some  _fun._ "

She was doing that thing with her lips again, Sanguine noticed. Even when half-asleep the holes in his head looked out. Her lips were gathered into one space as if they were trying to pack as much pink softness together before leaving room for her tan. You saw that as well on the old Tanith, but it was much more attractive up close. Less serious. In her eyes the flames were already playing.

Sanguine sighed good-naturedly. "Whatever you say, honey bunny."

**_3\. Go out to dinner_ **

Two medium rare t-bone steaks. One with mushroom sauce. Tanith was wearing a necklace, but with her regular leathers. Sanctuary people were watching her apartments, her frequented hotels. She didn't have any spare clothes.

"Dinner was good," she admitted, putting down her knife. "A little dull, though. Nothing fun happened. I kept expecting a bar fight."

Tanith watched her boyfriend's face intently. Sanguine was cradling his head in his palm, fingers tapping the frame of his sunglasses. He showed his incisors in a smile. "It's gonna get better, don't you worry, darlin'."

"Hmm?" She was interested now, grinning already. She couldn't help it. The Englishwoman interlocked her fingers and put her chin on them, leaned forward on the table. "What are you doing to do?"

Sanguine chuckled softly and leaned on his elbow as well. He brought his face close so that when he murmured into Tanith's ear, she shivered. "You're gonna like this."

"Yeah?"

"I'm not gonna pay."

**_4\. Make sappy romantic gesture_ **

"Hey, darlin'. You know the money I saved on dinner a few nights ago?"

"Which 'few nights ago'? We've been going out for dinner all week. And sneaked out without paying every time."

"Er... All of 'em times, I guess. Guess what I just bought?"

Tanith's eyes flickered up. "Some fresh clothes?"

"Better." He sauntered in and stood right in front of her, positively beaming.

"Sanguine. I need  _clothes._ "

"You can buy them in Italy. No need to thank me, honey bunny."

* * *

  ** _5\. Coffee_**

A man with sandy hair and no eyes sat back in his chair. The sunlight was generously thrown over the hills, turning simple green to lime hues and warming up the threads of his brown suit. There was a good view of the steep cobbled street leading up to the cafe, yellow-grey stones dry as a salt desert.

A leather boot smacked into his by mistake, then moved away and resumed scuffing the ground. The woman opposite him had her hair tied back and was dipping a teaspoon into her drink. It clinked against the delicate glass cup, came back up with a sheen of rusty brown over it. She licked it off like a cat.

In his world of warm gold, the man sipped his coffee and smirked all the while.

**_6\. Buy new_ _pair of sunglasses  
...Scratch that. Stuff._ **

Her grin was sickening. One hand testing the lapel, the other smoothing down the waist. She even did a little dance.

"It's _purple!_ " Tanith squealed into the mirror. The figure in the glass beamed back at her, a purple leather coat comfortably settled on her shoulders. The Remnant inside was ecstatic: Tanith Low was hot. And by God, she knew it.

A thin Italian woman smiled and nodded from a respectful distance behind her. The shop assistant was saying such  _helpful_  things like: Yes, new season looks beautiful on madam I remind you that Florence is very famous for our leather goods would the gentleman like to see the men's jackets there's a nice black one there brown cuffs I'll go get it.

The blonde woman held out her arms and turned to Sanguine. "How freaking gorgeous is this?"

The only reaction for a while was the slight opening of Sanguine's mouth. "Uh..." he began, "It's real purple-?"

"I know, a bloody purple leather coat, have you ever seen such a thing?" Tanith swept a finger down the lilac collar, the leather maddeningly soft. The rest of the coat was dyed a rich violet.

Sanguine's mouth was dry. Everything was bright. The lights, the  _racks and racks and racks of colourful leather squashed all together_ _red and green and blue and white and orange_ _..._  The shop assistant returned, carrying a great big black thing on a hook.

"Sweetie, try it on!"

"No."

"I see sir likes his boots. Would you like-"

 _"Nope."_ Billy-Ray pointed at Tanith's coat. "How much is that thing?"

The Italian woman told him. He didn't like it.

Tanith frowned. "That's because it's new season, darling, or whatever they call it. But I  _really_  like it. You said I could buy some new clothes. It won't even make a dent in your Diablerie money. And it's _purple leather!_ "

When the frenzied expression faded, she did that little trick with the lips again. "What's the point of a romantic European getaway if you're not going to buy anything?"

"I was hopin' more for a 'not leaving the hotel room for thirty-six hours' type of thing..." Sanguine said dejectedly.

His girlfriend walked up to him, beautiful leather rumpling as her arms snaked around his neck. "I'll make it up to you-  _Oh good Lord there's a whole room full of leather gloves over there!_ "

**_7\. Start half a riot_ **

Little grey bridges arched over canals so beautiful you wept. The blue water was  _glowing,_  that was the only way to describe it. The sky was a little overcast but the day was pleasant, except for the twenty-something boy who'd just been flipped over Sanguine's hip.

This boy, curly-haired with a chin you could engrave plaques with, managed to get back up. His jacket was askew, looking as if it was trying to get off him and run away while it still could. The youth cradled his jaw and felt a few teeth wobble in his gum.

"Christ..."

His friend had not yet received this treatment. The second guy, a bit shorter, a bit chubbier, decided to stand behind his friend and stare Sanguine down. This American had just thrown Gino to the ground. Not cool.

They both made a show of rolling up their sleeves and ran at him.

Sanguine grabbed the collar of the shorter one as he rushed, stepped around, yanked it so the boy was jerked back. He staggered around on his feet when Sanguine let go. The other one, more wary after his last beating, tried to come at Sanguine from behind. He wrapped an arm around Sanguine's neck.

But then Sanguine sank, slipping away.

"What the hell?" Gino said to his comrade.

The youth suddenly had arms wrapped around his stomach, digging into the flesh just under his ribs and lifting him up. He kicked in the air and shouted as Sanguine held him from behind, but Gino could only gawk with a pallid face.

Sanguine threw him into the canal.

It was a huge splash. As the ripples faded Gino shook himself out of it. He threw off his jacket and made one last sprint, fist raised. He even growled. Sort of.

Sanguine flung out an arm and whirled. The elbow hit Gino in the throat and the forearm snapped up to belt him across the nose. Sanguine swung round and drove a knee deep into his stomach. Just for fun, he grabbed a fistful of hair and wrenched. Tears came to the boy's eyes.

Ignoring his gibbering cries to have mercy, the hitman deluxe carried Gino bodily over to the bridge and chucked him over.

Sanguine turned around slowly, with a beautiful white smile, and put his new Ray-Ban sunglasses back on. As he rested them on the bridge of his nose he swept back his hair. And would have winked at Tanith, if he had eyes.

"Did you get that, honey bunny?"

Tanith pressed a button on her phone and started clapping. He was good enough to be in movies, she thought. She ran up, hugged him ferociously and showed off the film. Eventually they walked off together, looking like all the other lovebirds pouring through Venice.

* * *

**_8\. Have li'l lovers' spat_ **

Tanith emerged from the en suite. The door between the room and the balcony had been pushed wide open. Someone in the city honked their car horn and was answered by several others. Rome was bright and the humidity was already sticking her clothes to her body.

The screen on her mobile read:  _3 missed calls._  The number belonged to Frightening Jones.

Tanith squeezed a bit of water out of her hair and padded, cat-like, across the room. Arm over his eyes, Billy-Ray stretched out on top of the bed. Tanith gave his ear a playful tweak, then settled herself by his side. They slept the afternoon away.

By six, Tanith's stomach was groaning. She opened her eyes. Wall and a corner of ceiling faded into view. The door to the balcony, still open. Hot. Sticky. Her forehead was wedged into Billy-Ray's armpit. She hadn't moved an inch and Tanith's eyelids drooped, her left eye closed but a voice in her head cried out.  _Fight._

Open again. Her fingertips felt blood pumping, lungs filling and emptying, through the man's shirt. Her hand, on a man's chest. There was something wrong with this. Tanith Low gave the tiniest of whimpers and moved her hand away, to the bedside.

The lamp? No need. She knew the suitcase was on the ground, half shoved under the bed. Which pocket, though? The outermost, of course, but what about the  _zip-?_

Tanith's hip twisted into the mattress as she reached and Sanguine woke up.

" _Don't touch me!_ "

There were pink marks on her arms and cheek where the flesh had been squished against the linen. She had the straight razor, already folded out, a second away from springing off the bed.

Without wasting a word Sanguine lunged for her, dragging her back with one hand firmly encircling her wrist. Tanith found herself pressed down into the mattress and a pillow ballooning up on either side of her head.

"No more. I'll kill myself! You're going to die with me: you, Sanguine, and  _it..._ "

But the razor was gone and Sanguine's knee was jammed against her stomach instead. Her arms were spread far apart, as if she were being crucified. Tanith -the Tanith who had been lost at Macgillycuddy's Reeks- kicked and tried to buck him off, but she was weak, and as the tears slipped from her eyes the blackness began to grow under her skin.

 _No! I was_ free _for one second..._

_...I lost control._

Sanguine looked into eyes like little stones of coal. "Who are you now?" he demanded roughly.

Her blackened lower lip stuck out. "It's me," she answered irritably. She wasn't thrashing anymore, but looked coolly up into the voids in Sanguine's head.

"Who's in control right now?" His voice had gone hard, issuing cold demands. Sanguine's usual drawl was practically gone.

Her face twisted into one of fury and a great black vein pulsed on her neck like a bloated leech. "It's never happened before," she hissed. "Not to any Remnant, not when we've bonded.  _It won't happen again._

"Right now, you'd call it the Remnant. But we're the same. There's not even a real 'we' anymore. I am Tanith. The name's been chosen and I'll live with it forever. My name. Is.  _Tanith Low._ "

"Can I count on you not to pull a stunt like that again?"

"Don't you trust me, Billy-Ray?"

"Depends."

Gold curtains of hair framed arched eyebrows. "You're not going to call me by name, are you?"

She waited.

"I... I need some time alone."

Tanith flicked her hands out of Sanguine's grip, almost breaking his wrists in the process. She put one hand on the centre of his chest and pushed. Casually, with all the strength in the world and a pouting lip. Sanguine was catapulted into the air and he cleared the bed, crashing onto the floor.

Tanith swept her coat around herself and sprinted for the balcony.

"I  _am_  Tanith Low!"

And...she leapt.

**_9\. Act contrite_ **

It was in a tiny hotel a mile out of Rome -for some reason decorated all in green- that he found her. Innumerable cracks appeared in the wall beside the bed and Sanguine pushed through. Curtains drawn, light on the writing desk on. She'd taken a chair and pushed it right up to the door; she sat in it now, legs crossed. As he stepped into the room he saw her shoulders rise and fall in a sigh. She'd been waiting for him.

"Tanith, I love you," Sanguine said immediately.

A stagnant silence accumulated until she sighed again.

"You just can't  _knock,_  can you?"

Ten steps, long and gentle, and Sanguine was behind her. "I don't do doors," he said under his breath. Tanith's hair spilled over the back of the chair. He was about to push it behind her ear when a hand flew out and gripped his arm, with the threat of impending fracture.

"Who am I, William-Raymond Sanguine?"

"You're my girlfriend. Love every bit of you. Be  _much_ appreciated if you let go."

"Is your girlfriend a Remnant? Is her name Tanith? Are you the guy who flirts with danger and this person  _sitting here now_  is only a body for that darkness?"

His face came at her like a speeding train and he kissed her.

"Whatever," Sanguine mumbled into her lips. He moved to her neck, up to behind her ear, breathing her name at each place he visited. Tanith. If he knew reassuring her during an identity crisis was all it took to turn her on, he would have started ages ago...

Sanguine could feel Tanith's nails through his shirt. Clawing, pulling him down. "You arsehole, use the door next time." And the rest was lost in greedy kisses. The chair was close to tipping over.

"I'm paying a hundred damn euros a night for the hotel in Rome," he moaned.  _Hey what's she doing with my hair- oh okay. Ow, ow, nails- Mmmmmm..._ He moaned some more.

A whisper in her lilting accent, light as clouds: "We have everything we need right here, cowboy."

**_10\. Alone time_ **

She lingered by the door for a moment. Billy-Ray Sanguine heard a whispered, "Withstand," and a glittering sheen flowed over the wood. Then Tanith Low turned, one hand on her hip, the other dangling lazily by her side.

"Well, now. Come and have a go... if you think you're hard enough."


End file.
